The Monkburg Investigations
by Kraele and Bremon
Summary: "Yeah, it happens to pretty much everyone. Nook casts a long shadow in this town. Not many escape it." qtd.Animal Crossing. Rated T for some violence, very minor language, and some adult themes. I don't write what I wouldn't want to see.
1. Monkburg, 82190

"You don't think you could have gotten it here any faster, do you, WHONK?" The elephant was turning the red roll of wallpaper in his hands, surreptitiously checking for signs of dirt stains or other damage. He had deep blue, leathery skin with wide eyes and buck teeth, now turned downwards in a disappointed frown. Or at least as disappointed as an elephant who wore heart-print shirts everyday of his life could get.

I tried not to roll my eyes at his new tick and forced my semi-sincere smile to stay where it was. It was like the animals in this town were holding a contest to see who could come up with the most ridiculous catch phrase. Conversation was annoying when words like, "quacker" and "kerPOW!" kept popping up at the end of every other sentence. Some of these ticks were cute, I have to admit, but I was still glad that none of them expected me to adopt the fad. I was a human in a town full of animals. There were some rules and customs that stayed expressly in their world and I was fine with that.

Axel the elephant looked back up at me with his impossibly round eyes and a dumb, toothy grin reappeared under his trunk, "Well, I'm just happy that Alli remembered me this time. The last time I lent her something, she didn't give it back for two months, WHONK!"

I refrained from suggesting that he not lend any more of his possessions to her and nodded as sympathetically as I could manage. Axel held up a small bag and counted out a number of bells to give to me as a reward for my delivery. Who needed the postal system when you could just get a fellow townie to deliver your junk for you?

"So did you hear about Derwin?" I asked as he counted the gold coins. Derwin was a nerdy duck with square glasses that lived on the higher level of the village. Nobody had heard from him in his house for three days until a group of townspeople had gone to investigate. There was no trace of the duck in his home and no sign that he had even stepped outside. We might have thought that he had taken the bus to the city had this not been the fifth disappearance in the town of Monksburg in the last year. They were all the same, the animals were happy and jumping around town, fishing and waving their bug nets around one day, and then the next they would just be…gone. No calls on the phone. No letters. No explanations.

"Who hasn't heard about it?" Axel said, smile dropping immediately. "Poor Derwin. I don't see how he could have disappeared, WHONK! He's way too smart to get lost in the woods and I think he would have sent word to someone in town if he was staying in the city."

"Do you think someone could have kidnapped him?" I suggested.

A horrified expression crossed the blue elephants features and I had to grab his wrist to prevent the golden bells from spilling all over the ground in his shock. "Kidnapping?! Why would someone want to kidnap Derwin, WHONK!? He was one of the nicest people in the village!"

"There is such a thing as being _too_ nice, you know."

The elephant blinked at me as though he didn't comprehend this. I sighed and decided to move on. This animal wouldn't be giving me any new information. He would be lucky if he could remember where his house keys were in the morning. I bade him goodbye and he strolled back inside his house, working on the ties of the wallpaper. Sometimes I wondered if these people were too innocent for their own good. Most of them didn't need to work, having paid for their mortgages and renovations with the bells they scraped up from selling bugs and fruit every day. Many of them were just begging to be exploited and luckily, Tom Nook was always there to fill the bill. He was a beady little raccoon who had been of particular interest to me ever since I arrived in this town. I just didn't like him. End of story. It must have been something about his pushy, stalkerish attitude that didn't ring well with me.

When I had first moved to Monksburg, I remember scouting for a house using the directions that Rover had given to me on Kapp'n's bus. A small, seaside cottage with a full view of the beach appealed to me immediately. With a shanty mat and bare walls protecting an old radio and a dusty lamp, it was nothing to goggle at, but decorating and making it into a home would be a challenge, and I certainly liked challenges. I walked out of the cottage and found a tall, brown raccoon standing beside the mailbox, twiddling his thumbs and staring out at the ocean with a patient expression. I hadn't heard or seen him arrive. At the time, I didn't attach any meaning for his behavior, other than finding him to be a bit overtly friendly in his offer to let me buy the house. Sure the price was steep, but the fact that I had practically no bells to my name didn't perturb him at all.

The sky cleared as I walked home, although the chill from the downpour the previous day still hung in the air. I folded my arms and pulled my Winter Sweater tighter around me. I should have brought Punchy's hat with me, but I hadn't expected the meeting with Mayor Tortimer to take so long. It was late afternoon and it would be time to start dinner soon. It was a fifteen minute walk to get to the beach through the woods. I took it at a brisk pace. Punchy would be home from his daily rounds in the village by now. Usually if I wasn't there to start the food, he would take over. On those days, we were doomed to have the hottest curry chicken this side of the city. He could handle it. I usually had to dilute most of the meal with yogurt before I could even put it on my tongue.

Our house was a two-story gray building with a dark blue roof and white fencing all around its sides. Smoke curled out of the chimney on the roof. Punchy was home. We could have upgraded to a central air conditioning system, but Punchy and I found that our wood-fire stove was cheaper and gave our food more flavor. It was a trip back to the past, but, heck, it tasted good.

I found the black and white cat in the "kitchen," a small section of the one-room building devoted to the stove and the refrigerator. The strong, tangy scent of curry wafted around him. He didn't turn around as I closed the door and threw my winter sweater on a nearby chair. Our parrot, Felix squawked in greeting as I passed his stand. Don't ask why we had a bird in a town full of lions, tigers, and bears. I didn't question these things anymore.

"Any pressing news from the mayor?" Punchy said over the sound of clanking metal as he put a pot into the stove. He spoke in a cynical drawl, probably a relief from having to speak in brainless, silly banter with the townsfolk all day. At home, Punchy was an entirely different person than the one that walked outside in a shirt so loose it fluttered around his mid-thighs and a fishing rod whose hook kept getting caught in people's clothing.

I sat at our Exotic Table and accepted a mug of coffee that he offered to me. He sat across from me, and propped his elbows on the surface of the table, his own coffee mug suspended in front of him. He was good at planning like this, especially when he knew we were going to be accepting a new assignment from the mayor. Sometimes you just had to have a cup of strong coffee on hand when you were finding out who you would be stalking next.

I sighed and sipped at my drink before saying, "He wants us to check out Crazy Redd's tomorrow evening. Apparently some new merchandise came in a few days ago."

Punchy chuckled lowly, "Lemme guess. More spiked figurines? Smuggled goods from China perhaps? Or are there more suspicious paintings?"

"All of the above and more."

This time, Punchy actually laughed. I could see his pointed canines, much sharper than my own. When he looked back at me, his slitted eyes were a mixture of amusement and the look that welcomed the challenge. You would never see those eyes in the average, happy-go-lucky Punchy's eyes. There was just something too…sly in them.

"He'll be reopening his doors at 9 P.M. The Mayor suggested we be there at eight," I said.

"An hour early? That won't be suspicious."

"We just have to be in the area at eight. Just to watch who goes in and who goes out. We can probably drop in for a visit at ten."

Punchy nodded as he took another sip of coffee. "Sounds good to me. What does the good Mayor want us to do? Buy something and have it defunked? Charge in with guns blazing?"

I raised an eyebrow at that last. "You know we don't work with that kind of thing. _Subtlety_, Punchy, subtlety. It's kind of important in our line of work."

"I know, I know. But it's just been so bland lately. I've gotten bored."

I half-smiled. "And you think violence is the answer?"

"Can you really blame me? Today I had to catch ten black bass in the river for Pelly. And only that after I waded through all the other crap in there."

"I'm sorry. It must be so difficult sitting on your butt on the shore all day and staring at the water."

He clapped the mug down on the surface of the table in mock anger. "It's harder than it sounds. Sometimes I actually have to fight the fish when they bite."

I smirked and downed the rest of my mug. The contents of the pot in the stove were bubbling and I could hear them where I was. Apparently Punchy could too. He stood up and retrieved a couple oven mitts before bending down to struggle with the pot. I laid a hot pad in the center of the table for him to deposit the curry. He grinned in a self-satisfactory manner. I gulped. That could only mean one thing.

"How much spicy stuff did you put in the curry?"

"Enough to keep it interesting," He shrugged, lifting the lid with one paw still covered with a mitt. I eyed the neon-red liquid. For a moment, I thought I could hear the hiss of a demon coming from the depths.

"How about enough to give me ulcers for the next five years? Do we still have any yogurt?"

"And rice too," He said. The two blessedly white substances were placed in front of me. At least the cat had _one_ merciful bone in his body. He sat back down, dishing out a good amount into his bowl. There would be no dilution for him.

I vouched to let the curry at least cool before serving myself and watched as he shoveled spoonfuls of the substance into his whiskered mouth as though it were ice cream. I was getting heartburn just from the sight.

"By the way, _dear_," He began, drawing my attention back to his wily eyes. "Don't forget that tomorrow is our 'anniversary.'"

"Oh, right," I flushed slightly. We weren't even married in reality and I still got embarrassed at the prospect that I had almost forgotten the important day. Or maybe it was embarrassment that we were even celebrating it at all. Or that I was pretending to be married to a _cat_ of all things.

"I got tickets for tomorrow night's Dr. Shrunk show at the theater. It's for 6 P.M. so it'll be convenient for our little appointment with Crazy Redd."

I nodded. "We can just hop over to his store in our formal best and buy some cheap imitations that were conceived through slave labor and are probably so bogus they make Wisp the ghost look like the newscaster on TV."

"Hey," Punchy said sternly. "No scrapping Wisp. I saw him once. He's the real deal." Before I could put on my skeptical look, he continued, "And _anyway_, the stuff in that place isn't cheap. Unless you've got some spare bells or the Mayor decided to give us a budget, we'll have to withdraw from the ABD tomorrow so we can buy those smuggled goods."

"True. All right, I'll go to the Civic Center in the morning," I said.

The conversation teetered down after that. Punchy was finished with his first bowl of curry and spooning out more when he finally said, "It'll get cold pretty soon and I doubt that will help with the flavor. Or are you holding out because you're trying to hurt my feelings over the Wisp comments?"

Sighing deeply, I shook my head, not trusting myself to say anything witty in the face of such snideness and the real possibility of stomach-injury.

I couldn't help the nervous trembling of my hands as I took the ladle from his paws and started filling my own bowl. I added copious amounts of rice and plain yogurt to the lethal mixture under his gaze. And through it all, he ate without a word. Lifting a spoonful, I just stared at it before I heard him clear his throat. I heard his smirk behind the noise.

"Bastard," I muttered before shoving the spoon into my mouth.


	2. He'll Eat a Bug to Sell You a Deal

I reached down to adjust the slit of my Chinese Dress for what seemed like the one-hundredth time that evening. It kept sliding up my thigh higher than I liked. The Able Sisters had made it pretty tight, not that any of the animals would have cared. They weren't interested in human legs. I had my regular Green Glasses balanced on the edge of my noses and my hair was pulled back into a bun. It had taken me at least three trips to Shampoodle's to get something that didn't make me look like a hooker or someone off an old cartoon.

Punchy and I were in the line of the Marquee with tickets to see Dr. Shrunk's newest show, "Disinterest." We were probably a bit too dressed up in comparison to those around us, but Punchy had claimed it was necessary to keep up the image of a couple ready for a special night. He was wearing a Tuxedo, a special form GracieGrace. It hung loosely off his thin frame and his fur was ruffled in some places. A wide, goofy smile was smattered across his face and his eyes were half-lidded and lazy.

"Are you cold, darlin'? It's kinda chilly tonight," He said, his paws stuck in the pockets of his jacket.

"No, no, I'm fine," I smiled and subtlety pinched my cheeks to make them glow. Two birds twittered and giggled behind us. Ugh.

"Are you sure you have the tickets, _honey_?" I said, then in a lower voice, "Don't forget your tick."

I could have sworn I saw his eye twitch as he held up the slim tabs and said, "I've got them right here…mrmpht!"

"Perfect."

We fell into silence as we waited in the line. Out of habit, I found myself scanning the crowds. The majority of them were dressed casually, but a few, like us, wore formal wear. Many were laughing among each other. The two birds were now fiddling with their cell phones. No illegal activity for miles. It was at times like this when Punchy would smirk and tell me to relax. I always get tense during an assignment. I suppose it was my suspicious (and a great deal morbid) nature to think that everyone around me was up to something. If I'd learned anything during my years, it was to never take an animal at face value. Especially gorillas. _Stupid Grape Ape._

When the line progressed enough for Punchy and I to stand under a streetlamp, I saw a dim figure walking past the circular fountain in the middle of the City Plaza. It was slim with a dark cloth that draped heavily to the ground and it held a Paper Umbrella despite the fact that there were no clouds whatsoever. The face was hidden behind a veil, but I knew who it was from my most recent visits to her side of town.

She paused for a moment next to the stone railing of the fountain, looking, I assumed, at the water as though transfixed before turning away and walking towards the alleyway branching from the main street. I nudged Punchy with my elbow and nodded towards the trim figure. I think he turned in time to see before it disappeared around the corner.

"That was Katrina."

"Looks like it, mrmpht," He shrugged, the relaxed grin never fading.

"Heading towards Crazy Redd's."

"Oh. Yeah," A glint sparked in the corner of his eye. Then, a little more loudly, "We'll check it out later. There's popcorn inside with my name on it, mrmpht!"

"Disinterest" was short, sweet, and about as immersing as its name implied. Dr. Shrunk had outdone himself. I have to admit I was never prepared for his costume when he first popped out from behind the dusty red curtain and would spend the majority of the show mesmerized by the bouncing orange locks jutting from his head.

Halfway through, I felt the soft fur of Punchy's paw brush over my skin as it took my hand. I jumped instinctively and tensed which made him chuckle under his breath.

"Easy, don't take my paw off."

I snuck him a glare, discreetly releasing the handle of the small knife hidden in a side pocket of my purse. Yes, concealed weapons in a public setting. It was a necessity for the expedition that we would be undertaking tonight and we didn't have enough time to go home and grab them after the show. I didn't trust being in the same room with Redd, and I knew Punchy would agree. He had his own revolver in a holster underneath his suit jacket. We were the perfect undercover couple.

I relaxed into the touch, observing that the ever-present yellow birds were watching closely and shaking with suppressed giggles. When the curtain closed at the end of the show, I almost expected Punchy to let go and stand and stand when the rest of the crowd left. The birds seemed to linger the longest in the theater as if waiting for something big to happen between me and Punchy, but, finally convinced that they would be disappointed, they turned and headed outside.

I watched sidelong at their progress and muttered, "Those two were very strange, weren't they?" to Punchy.

"So you saw them too?" He grinned. "Probably just a couple of schoolgirls. This is the hottest public display of affection they've ever seen."

I grabbed my purse from under my seat and followed him out of the theatre. The wind had picked up and I suddenly regretted not taking Punchy up on his offer to lend me his jacket. It picked up through the slit of my dress. The streetlights illuminated the fountain but didn't reach to the alleyways making them seem were darker and more sinister. Especially since I knew what was waiting for us down the one we wanted.

To my surprise, Punchy hadn't let go of my hand. His grip tightened and he dragged to me to the main street. My heels clicked loudly on the pavement as I tried to match his pace.

"What are you doing? We still have an hour."

He didn't slow down. "I know. You've got me thinking about Katrina. You said she was headed to Crazy Redd's earlier."

"Yeah, about two hours ago. She's gone back to her shop by now. Are you expecting to interrogate her about the last two hours? She could have just been going for a walk."

"She hardly leaves her shop in the first place. Don't you think it's the least bit odd?"

It was true. As far as I knew Katrina didn't even eat out. I thought back to how she had looked before the show. I knew she were a veil when she went out in public. When I had asked about it, she gave me a long excuse about how it protected her inner eye from the corruption of the world or for some mystic reason like that. But that didn't explain why she had the umbrella. It wasn't like it made her inconspicuous. Unless she had wanted to draw attention to herself. And in that case, what did she want anyone to see?

We had reached the main street and Punchy was pulling me in the direction of her shop. The light was still on in Shampoodle's, but the door to Katrina's was dark. I frowned. She was usually open much later than this.

"Either she's on a really long walk or she still that Crazy Redd's," Punchy said, trying to peer passed the window curtains.

Even I had to admit the latter was the best possibility. And if that was the case we would probably have to question her tomorrow. From our investigations in the past, we knew she used a lot of unusual substances during her 'rituals.' Incense, oil, and particularly large objects used to drop on customer's heads via the trapdoor in the ceiling, it had to come from somewhere and there was no new age store around this town. I wouldn't be surprised if Crazy Redd was importing a vein of merchandise especially for her. A little extra effort for a recurring customer was nothing at all.

We wound our way back towards the main street. The winter chill drove people off the streets so the only ones that could be seen by the dim streetlights were Punchy, me, and the burly figures of a pig and a cow hefting boxes to the bus stop. The pig was brown with half-lidded eyes and a lazy smile like the one Punchy faked. The cow was a gray heifer with long horns that curved at the ends to point straight up like two peaks. I couldn't see his face since he was turned away, but there was a tattoo on his forearm in the shape of three converging lines starting at the elbow and ending in one line at the wrist. The symbol didn't ring a bell, but I filed the pair away in my memory. If they were in the city with moving boxes, I bet we would be seeing them again.

If Punchy had noticed anything amiss, he made no mention of it. His eyes were fastened securely on the alleyway. It was bare except for a pile of boxes shoved up against the wall of the right building. The corner of a door peeked out from behind the boxes, barely illuminated by a fluorescent light running along the top of the door frame. It hummed softly, the only sound in the winter air which grew louder as we neared the door.

"You have your invitation?" Punchy glanced at me. I took my red wallet out of my purse and grabbed a thin paper out of a side pocket. Punchy lifted his pay and knocked on the door, his own invitation already out and open at his side.

A little window at eye level slid open to reveal a bunch of inky blackness. Then two points of light appeared, or rather emerged, into view. At the same time, a deep, scratchy voice said, "Do you have proof your part of Redd's family?"

We flashed him the invitations and the window cover slid shut. We heard the click of the lock in the door and it swung inward to admit us into a dark entryway. At the end of the hall, a light shown around the corner.

A dog with dark fur and lips curled into a permanent grimace because of a scar on the side of his mouth closed the door behind us. I realized that the points of light in the spyglass must have been the reflection of his eye. He was wearing a leather vest and hands with the whole in the back so his tail could be free. The pants surprised me. Most of the time, the animals could get away without wearing them and were more comfortable doing so.

"Ah, I recognize you now. Sorry for the holdup. Protocol." His voice didn't exactly sound apologetic. "The boss is in the back," He jerked his head towards the light and turned back to the door, signifying that he wasn't waiting for a reply.

Turning that last corner and seemed Crazy Redd' s newest horde was like walking down the stairs will Christmas morning and seeing a huge pile of brightly colored presents under the tree. The first thought was that everything was so _shiny_ before my adrenaline settled into a feeling of shopper's desire. I hated the impulsive feeling of no control and glanced at Punchy to distract myself. His eyebrows were raised as he looked around the room for Redd. Normally, he would approach his customers just when they entered his store, like Nook usually did.

Ignoring the gold plated cellos in one corner, I stepped further into the room. I saw a movement next to a full set of Samurai Armor and opened my mouth to say, "Is anyone here?" before Crazy Redd himself was suddenly in front of me.

"Well, hello, hello! If it isn't my favorite customer couple! So tell me, did you hear about my amazing deals and feel that you had to rush here and get first dibs on them? Don't lie opportunities like this don't pop up everyday only the early bird gets the worm you're lucky to be the first ones to come in and check out my newest merchandise ah but listen to me chew your ears off like this when you could be browsing Crazy Redd's fabulous goods!"

About half of his speech was lost on me as my ears chose that precise moment to tune out and I was left watching his mouth move with an intensity that would put a hummingbird to shame. Few people can work up a deal like Crazy Redd, partly because he barely gave his customers enough time to think about the prices that they were committing to. And there were some steep prices compared to what Nook offered. One time the wily fox had conned Punchy into buying a Lovely Vanity for five thousand bells. During our nearly daily trips to Nookington's the next day, we saw a similar Lovely Vanity in the same perfect condition on sale for just two thousand bells. That night's curries had been so hot I could have poured it onto a patch of grass and have it be weed-free for years to come.

I refocused on Redd, who was now pacing the floor in front of us, pointing here and there to paintings and chairs that I recognized from the Regal series and describing them in elaborate detail. To his credit, he did carry some one-of-a-kind items, but one would have to sort through a lot of rough to get to the diamond, so to speak. His blue apron swished back and forth around his waist with each movement. His eyes were two arched slits that made reading him extremely difficult in any circumstance.

After he had circled halfway around the room, Punchy suddenly said, "Woah there, mrmpht. I think we're good to browse if you don't mind."

Redd stopped his tirade of discount-description and laughed, "Of course, of course! Listen to me go on when you could be looking yourself! Take your time, friends, take your time and if you have any questions feel free to ask Crazy Redd. But just remember, I'm going to do my best to make sure you don't leave this place without at least one of our excellent products even if I have to eat a bug! Actually there are some particularly plump specimens in the alley if you don't believe me on my word-"

"That…won't be necessary," I said quickly. My stomach gave a nasty flop at his suggestion. I softened up my voice and smiled, "We'll be just fine with a look around."

A/N: Oh jeez, what's this?! I'm not dead! It just takes me a very long time to update. Ugh. Getting into the body of the story now. It'll hopefully be a fun ride here on out. I'll try to have a chapter done every week. I'll even try twice a week, but there certainly aren't any excuses for why I should keep you guys waiting a month between each chappie!! Again, I adore feedback. SO SEND IT IN!!

Disclaimer: Pretty much everything about Animal Crossing belongs to Nintendo.


	3. The Girl With a Fake Earring

We spent twenty minutes browsing through old vases and various chairs and tables of the Robo Series when I found myself closer to where Redd was observing the room. The con artist seemed very protective of his goods, both genuine and forged. I didn't look at him, but I could tell he was watching me with some interest. As far as Punchy and I knew, he didn't have any hint that we were working for the Mayor during all of our visits to the underground market. Then again, it occurred to me that Redd probably suspected that _someone_ was tailing him, whether from the law-enforcing-side of society or from some unsavory rivals.

I stopped to inspect a row of three classic paintings. I recognized the Mona Lisa and Vermeer's Girl with a Pearl Earring out of them; the third showed a man and a woman with an umbrella walking rigidly down a dreary street packed with other equally drab couples walking in the other direction. I bent to look closer at the Vermeer. The girl's eyes were almost as big as the golf ball-sized rock hanging from her ear lobe. I wasn't an art connoisseur by any stretch of the imagination, but I could still appreciate the artist's skill. The highlights in the piece shown like the jewels my Mom had sent me in a letter one Christmas two years ago.

Now the question was whether this painting was the real thing or not. Anyone could trace over the painting and make a replica with the right equipment and I was willing to bet this fox had more than enough money to hire some skilled workers for the job. Along the girl's blue headband was a line of bumpy ridges from the stroke of a paintbrush that was never covered up. I wanted to touch the ridge, but I saw Redd's nose twitch when I raised my hand.

He stepped to my side and said, cheerfully, "I see you've been eying this painting for some time now. Very good, yes? If you're interested in taking it away with you this evening I'm sure we can negotiate a reasonable deal. I'd guarantee it, in fact!"

I smiled and cupped my cheek demurely in my hand, "That would be fantastic, actually. I know just the place for it in our house."

Redd laughed and it sounded innocent enough. His narrow eyes refocused on me, or at least I thought they did. With those slits it was hard to tell. "For a fellow member of my family, I could part with it for just 3,500 bells! How does that sound, hm?"

Ouch. Though I'd heard of steeper prices coming from him. I acted like the information didn't faze me and tapped my lips with my index finger as though deep in thought. Of course I had already made up my mind to buy the thing, but I wanted Punchy to get at least one good look at the painting to determine if it was worth the effort to buy it and take it to the museum to be appraised. There was only one opportunity to get evidence tonight and it would be best to make it good.

"I think I had better ask my husband if it's all right," I said, looking around the shop for the black and white cat. I only half listened to Redd's "Of course, of course!" as my eyes scanned the shop. As if on cue, Punchy suddenly came out from behind a Green Bookshelf and shuffled over when I beckoned to him. Dang, he was getting good with that slumped walk.

"What do you think of this, honey? Redd says it's only 3,500 bells and I think it would look so good over the Fireplace." Since my back was to Redd, I was sure he couldn't see how sharp my gaze was. Punchy just nodded with half-lidded eyes and leaned forward to inspect the painting himself. Unlike me, he actually touched a particularly wide strip of yellow highlight on the surface. Redd's nose twitched again, but he didn't make any move to stop the gesture.

Finally, Punchy straightened up and said, "Wow, this looks great! I say we take it, mrmpht!"

If Redd had started clapping his hands with glee at that moment, I wouldn't have been surprised. As it was, he just took the painting down from the shelf and took it over to a counter in the middle of the room, all the while saying, "Wonderful! Just wonderful! No raccoon with an apron is gonna have anything like this in stock! I knew when you first walked in today that we could understand each other, but I say that every time you take the time out of your busy schedule to come to the city and visit me, don't I?"

"Moris almost didn't let us through the door," I said, pouting. "He said he didn't recognize us at first."

Redd didn't turn around to look at us, instead concentrating on delicately wrapping the painting with brown packing paper. "Oh well, that's what happens to someone who spends as much time in the dark like he does. I've told him to get a stronger light for the front porch so that he doesn't hurt the feelings of any of our dear customers, but he just won't listen to me. Good help with better eyesight is hard to find these days but Moris had been loyal to my family for so long I just can't bring myself to let him go."

For some reason, I seriously doubted that was why a brighter light hadn't been installed above the door.

"It's a good choice, mrmpht! He looks like a sturdy guy," Punchy said, inspecting his claws. "If someone like that were around our house, I would sure feel a lot safer."

"He is one of my best employees," Redd said. "He's been with me for five years now since I got him from that slimy cad Nook. You should have seen him. Malnourished, entirely too thin." As he spoke, he made motions with his paws for emphasis. "Worked like a slave with hardly ten bells a day for payment. But I fixed all that and he's happier than ever as part of Crazy Redd's family."

"He used to work for Tom Nook? I'll bet he had tons of business experience," I said.

"Yes, well, he did say that, from personal experience, Nook's wares were only a fraction of the quality that you can get from Crazy Redd's!" Redd paused and looked at me, as though sizing me up. He turned around and reached up to rub his beady nose, "Besides, at least people don't go missing in _my_ business."

"What was that?" My response was almost automatic, without me entirely processing what he'd just said. My throat suddenly felt very dry. "Are you saying Nook has something to do with these _scary_ disappearances?"

Redd laughed a light, though bitter, laugh. "Call it a hunch, my dear. I've always thought that Nook had a dark, untrustworthy soul." He reached up almost absentmindedly to re-pin a loose corner of his old, black banner on the wall inscribed with the words 'black Redd's Market.' "Although I have to admit, it probably seems very low of me to accuse my competition of such a vile act. Think nothing of it!"

The door to the room opened and Moris sidled inside. He glanced at Punchy and me before inclining his furry head towards Redd.

"Twiggy and Tibby are here, boss," he said, looking neutrally at the ground.

"Ah, then I'm afraid we must cut this visit short, but rest assured that we'll be open for the next two days, same time, same place," As he talked, he shoved the wrapped painting into my hands and with one paw on both me and Punchy's backs, steered us to the back door. "Don't forget, cousins, we here at Crazy Redd's are always happy to be of service!"

The door slammed shut behind us the moment the chilly air hit my face and exposed leg. The light over the door flickered before resuming its dull hum through the night as Punchy and I just stood there, staring at one another without a word.

A/N: Wooo! Not dead just yet! How long has it been since my last update? Two weeks? Three weeks? Two months? If you've seen any of my other works, you'll know I can take forever to update. I'm ashamed for both me and my lazy Muse! Stupid Muse! But he keeps me writing so I suppose I should give him a cookie to make him happy. :) Feedback and intelligent criticism is always welcome! I want to improve as much as I can. Just keep the flames to yourself, please.

Disclaimer: Pretty much everything belongs to Nintendo, folks.


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